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Life throws chaos at us on a regular basis—whether it’s our finances, our relationships, or our health. In the work world, around 50 percent of people are burned out in industries like healthcare, banking, and nonprofits.
In response, we just keep on pushing through, surviving on adrenaline. We overschedule ourselves; we drink another coffee; we respond to one more email. If we stay amped up all the time, we think, we’ll eventually be able to get things done.
But all that does is burn us out, drain our productivity, and lead to exhaustion.
There’s another way—a calmer way. Cultivating a more restful, relaxed state of mind doesn’t mean we’ll drown under all our responsibilities. Instead, research suggests it will bring us greater attention, energy, and creativity to tackle them. And science also points to simple ways we can tap into that calm state of mind to be more resilient in our chaotic lives.
Calming down may seem impossible, but it’s not
When you’re stressed or anxious, it causes your body to release stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, which can increase how stressed you feel. You may also feel other symptoms, like headaches, dizziness and depression. Long term stress can negatively affect your weight, heart and chronic health conditions. In addition to your physical health, untreated stress can have a negative effect on other areas of your life, including your mental health, professional life and social relationships.
How to manage stress: getting started
Probably the biggest challenge is how to calm down when you are in a moment of anxiety or panic. Again, it’s important to remember that you are experiencing both an emotional reaction as well as a physical one. So you want to utilize techniques that address both so that you can bring your body and mind back into a place of homeostasis, i.e., calm. So, how to calm down when feeling overwhelmed? What are ways to calm yourself down in the moment? But here are 8 calming techniques that do work – and they work quickly at that.
1. Reframe your situation or relabel what’s happening
When you are feeling stressed or panicked, it’s easy to get caught in the trap of negative thinking. You may think to yourself, “I am stressed over nothing,” or “Why is this happening to me?” Or you may think even more extreme things like, “I’m a terrible person who can’t handle their emotions.” Your stress may lead you to believe in scary ideas — that you are going to lose your job, that your relationship is going to crumble, or that your life or livelihood is on the line.
Reframing the situation can be so helpful. You can say things to yourself in response to those types of negative thoughts. “You are experiencing anxiety right now." Or you can say something like, “That’s not true; that’s just your anxiety talking.” Also try to remember to treat yourself as you would treat a loved one who is feeling anxiety — with compassion, rather than condemnation. This kind of relabeling and positive self-talk doesn’t always seem like it’s doing much, but if you continue with it, and combine it with other techniques, it can do a good job of calming you down.
2. Get outside and get moving
One of the best ways to counteract those stress hormones flooding your body is to exercise. Research has found that going out for a walk or a run is one of the best ways to calm down. Getting out of the house is a good way to change the scene — the fresh air is soothing, and flooding your body with endorphins is a great antidote to all the stress hormones.
Music is another great way to distract yourself from your anxious thoughts. It gets your body moving, and can elicit feelings of excitement and lightheartedness. Singing along to music is a great release and a good way to calm down and ease tension.
3. Meditation
We know what you’re thinking: How can I meditate when I’m feeling stressed? How can I calm down or sit still when my thoughts are racing? However, mindfulness and grounding exercises — if you give them a chance — can be really helpful and are a great way to calm down.
First of all, just the act of sitting still and closing your eyes helps to remove some of the stimuli of the outside world, which can help calm down your stress response. There are guided meditations on the web that are helpful, with some that are specifically meant to help people calm down and refocus their thoughts.
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4. Ground yourself physically
Any way that you can provide proprioceptive input, or techniques which bring you back into your body, can be incredibly grounding when it comes to calming down. Some techniques can involve special objects that you touch when you are feeling anxious, such as a rock or a bracelet; weighted blankets serve a similar purpose.
One of the most effective grounding techniques is what is called the “trace the hand technique,” because it combines proprioceptive input with breathing. Here’s how you do it:
- Starting with your thumb, use your opposite hand to trace your finger from the bottom to the top
- Inhale as you move up the finger; when you get to the top of the finger, exhale
- Repeat this as you go from finger to finger
- Switch hands if you need more; repeat as many times as needed
5. Challenge your thoughts
Part of being anxious or angry is having irrational thoughts that don’t necessarily make sense. These thoughts are often the “worst-case scenario.” You might find yourself caught in the “what if” cycle, which can cause you to self-sabotage.
When you experience one of these thoughts, stop and ask yourself the following questions:
- Is this likely to happen?
- Is this a rational thought?
- Has this ever happened to me before?
- What’s the worst that can happen? Can I handle that?
After you go through the questions, it’s time to reframe your thinking. Instead of “I can’t walk across that bridge—what if there’s an earthquake, and it falls into the water?” tell yourself: “There are people who walk across that bridge every day, and it has never fallen into the water.”
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6. Think it through
Have a mantra to use in critical situations. Just make sure it’s one that you find helpful. “Will this matter to me this time next week?” or “How important is this?” or “Am I going to allow this person/situation to steal my peace?”
This allows the thinking to shift focus, and you can “reality test” the situation.
When we’re anxious or angry, we become hyper-focused on the cause, and rational thoughts leave our mind. These mantras give us an opportunity to allow rational thought to come back and lead to a better outcome.
7. Just breathe
Everyone says “just breathe” when they hear that someone is anxious. This can actually be very frustrating for someone who is trying to figure out how to calm down! It can feel dismissive, patronizing, and you might feel misunderstood. You might think, “Well, I’m breathing right now—how’s that going to help?” The thing is, engaging in deep breathing techniques, especially ones that are deliberate and methodical, can help you immensely. Like exercising and grounding techniques, deep breathing can change the hormonal balance in your body and quell your stress response.
There are many breathing techniques out there, but one of the most effective is simply breathing in and then breathing out, emphasizing the exhale and lengthening it. This is a great way to “trick” your body into calming down. You can also lie down on your back, and place your hands on your torso. As you feel your chest rise and fall, you will find that you end up slowing down your breath, and coming into a state of calm.
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8. Identify pressure points to calm anger and anxiety
Going for a massage or getting acupuncture is a wonderful way to manage anxiety and anger. But it’s not always easy to find time in your day to make it happen. The good news is, you can do acupressure on yourself for instant anxiety relief.
This method involves putting pressure with your fingers or your hand at certain points of the body. The pressure releases the tension and relaxes your body.
One area to start with is the point where the inside of your wrist forms a crease with your hand. Press your thumb on this area for two minutes. This can help relieve tension.
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Simple ways you can create a calmer life
Learning how to calm down doesn’t just involve learning ways to calm down during a moment of acute anxiety or panic. One of the best ways to manage your stress and anxiety is to be proactive, so that you experience fewer moments of anxiety overall. What does that mean? It means living your life with intention, and practicing certain techniques—including the ones that might come in handy during an anxiety attack—on a regular basis.
Here are some things you can incorporate in your day-to-day life to be calmer overall, and so that, when you are inevitably faced with the common stressors of life, you will have experience in how to calm down:
- Practice breathing on a regular basis—try different techniques and incorporate them into your day
- Write down your worries and fears—you can do this at night right before bed, you might even sleep better
- Exercise regularly—even a walk down the block will help keep your anxiety in check overall
- Reduce caffeine and sugar—these are stimulants that can irritate your nervous system
- Meditate—even five minutes a day can have an impact on your mental health
- Talk it out—have a friend or two you can confide in when the anxiety starts creeping in
- Learn to say no—this can be to situations or to people that are triggering, or who aren’t kind or compassionate
- Learn to say yes—to self-care, mental health days, and hobbies and interests that nourish your spirit
When to seek therapy
You may get to a point where you have tried all the techniques meant to help you calm down and create a more balanced life, but you are still suffering—that’s okay! It’s by no means a failure, in fact, you should feel proud of yourself for being proactive and open to trying suggestions. If your feelings of anxiety or stress, however, are impacting your day-to-day life—in areas such as your appetite, ability to sleep, meet deadlines at work, or care for yourself or your family—it is time to seek the professional help of a licensed therapist.
Really, anytime you feel overwhelmed by stress or anxiety, seeking help from a therapist is an excellent idea. These days, you don’t even have to leave your house to connect to a therapist. Virtual and telehealth therapy appointments have become the norm, which is a great thing for so many of us. This means that you can receive therapy in the comfort of your own home, on your own time, and in a way that feels emotionally safe for you.
Your therapist can help you come up with calming techniques specific to your situation and personality. They will help you understand your triggers so that you can work through them more easily. Your therapist will listen to you with compassion and make sure you know that your feelings are normal, understandable—and most of all, that you have the capacity to feel better and calmer.
Remember, stress shows up differently for different people. You might be looking for pain relief for muscles and joints, or you might be more prone to breakouts, eczema or other skin conditions that are heightened by stress. If you find these calming techniques aren’t helpful, explore other methods that may provide longer-term relief for your stress and anxiety. Keep in mind that stress relief is a long-term process, but with consistency (and your HSA account!), can be managed effectively.
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